i'm yellow

I’ve always chased yellow
Digging my fingers under golden sand
And tanning under the macaroon sun

Yellow is perfectly happy
But perfectly pain

My olive-toned skin
Gripped yellow crayons

I never wanted to let them go
I never wanted to get on that yellow school bus
Or put on my own yellow rain boots

I just wanted to stay home
With my yellow crayons
In a world of my own

Clenching them tightly
They started to crumble

I’ve always held onto things for too long
Holding onto things
That I was eventually meant to put down

Applying too much pressure
So much pressure that they snapped
Right under my fingertips

I never wanted to be bullied
I never wanted my first heartbreak
I never wanted to travel through twisted currents

I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just be left alone-
Left alone with my yellow crayons

But I guess that’s not how life works

And still after hard days
I find myself chasing after mimosa and butter shades
The bleeding yellow that started my life

If I could
I would be yellow

h.davis