insecurities

every time he looks at me

insecurities i didn’t know i had scream inside my head

they so badly want for him to look away

but me, i want his eyes to stay

i only ever want to feel beautiful

but some days i don’t feel beautiful at all

with me, he says it’s peaceful

but with her, he had passion

i’ve never seen someone get under his skin like she does

and unlike her - able to get under his skin

i am unable to get into his brain

so how my brain interprets that type of irritation is… love

strong emotional connections make people have high expectations

he’s extra sensitive to her behaviors

and that has him and i engaging in deliberations

me, i love the deliberations

i value connection and trust

i value his safety and comfortability

sharing any and all experiences

that’s real intimacy and vulnerability

my insecurities on the other hand
worry there are still lingering feelings
that i’m a second choice
and she’s more appealing

for me, my love is deep and can conquer all

my insecurities though, tell me that i’m in the way

trying to fit into a space in which i don’t belong

so, me, i pray

but my insecurities, they prey

me, i’m happier than i’ve ever been

yet, those insecurities always come knocking at my door

i don’t answer, locking it securely
hoping the deadbolt keeps them out

but the insecurities have force
trying to break me down
they linger around
slowly picking the lock
reminding me that they’re still here

they drill my frame, trying to exploit my weaknesses
they so badly want to infiltrate my mind

i worry, i wonder, i doubt, i fear
but somehow when you hold me
everything in the world feels clear

God, please help me

i can’t let these insecurities dim my light

i don’t want these feelings to make me take flight

h.davis