i was a runner

running from truth

or lies

running from potential pain

my mind was a weather radar

i could see hurt coming from miles away

i was racing from the formidable winds

just to run myself straight into a dead-end

i was pencil lead on a paper

fading away after time

so much so

you barely remembered i was there

only seeing a blurred image

of what once was

in the past that’s all i knew

and i thought i finally stopped running

and began fighting

but i now realize

i am still a runner

running myself

into a lonely grave

why do i run?

is it past experiences

self sabotaging tendencies

fear of rejection

or misunderstandings?

deep rooted trust issues

or external pressures?

i’ve always been bad at math

yet somehow

i’m good at calculating -

calculating someone’s every move

determining my departure

based off their posture

and i’m good with measurements -

protective ones

and let’s not forget addition

how my fear + anxiety = isolation

looking back at the choices i’ve made

thinking to myself

“i wonder what would’ve happened if i just stayed?”

so maybe instead of going from running to fighting

i can start with just walking

slowing down - breathing in fresh air

closing my eyes
i so desperately just want a sound mind

h.davis